I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He has the fingertips of a God
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