shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
