After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
