My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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