I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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