Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
