My cat gives me a boner
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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