You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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