so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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