She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
