I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
