quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
