you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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