I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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