dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
