if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
