there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
