o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize