I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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