Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh god the rape fog is back!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
