Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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