You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
