he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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