Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
