we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
