so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
