People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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