You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
