Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
