He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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