He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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