This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
