While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
