I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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