Taylor Swift is so right about you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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