I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
two words...techno handjob
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
