there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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