Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
