after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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