Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
