I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
