new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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