you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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