Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
