listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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