hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
