Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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