How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
