I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
where does the pee come out of this thing
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
