i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
