you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you never un-have a 4some
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
