I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
