i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
