I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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