his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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