Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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