I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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