I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
