dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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