On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She is in my trunk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
