Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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