You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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